community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
