Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if only i could text you this smell
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
