I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
