no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
