sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
