I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
