Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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