he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
