I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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