Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
