Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
