Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
