He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
