he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
