I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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