GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
