Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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