Just fell off a train. Bad.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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