you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
