glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
