Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
