yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
