Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
