No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
