I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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