You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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