you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
