Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
