the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
