I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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