Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
