I'm pants shitting drunk right now
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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