We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
