I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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