I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
