I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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