apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
