So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
