How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
