that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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