the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
