My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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