cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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