Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
