8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
