I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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