Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
