maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
