Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
