There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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