If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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