I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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