The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
