you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
