so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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