I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
