It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's rum buckets o'clock
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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