Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
