Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
