i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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