I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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