you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
