capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
