sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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