loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
