I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
PANTIES FOUND
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