i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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