At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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