I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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