someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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