someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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