giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
