You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
